Merry Christmas to all. In the rush of this day, pause and thank God for the greatest gift He gave Jesus.
Yesterday our modest feeding station was the scene of a Feathery Christmas Party. Four couples of Cardinals were present, Sparrows, Blue Jays, Collared Doves, Mourning Doves,
Woodpeckers, Titmouse, Red Polls, Finches. They dined at both the hanging feeders and the seed about the patio. A handful of peanuts in the shell were out for the dining pleasure of the Blue Jays. Everyone ate in peaceful harmony. One guest left a gift, a wadded piece of tin foil. Which later mysteriously disappeared. Everyone ate till they full. The Blue Jay was very selective on the peanuts he choose. He flew down to pick a peanut, went into the nearby tree to inspect. If it did not pass his quality test it was returned, a different one was chosen. After having found one to his liking he took off with the peanut, return minutes later to start his selecting again. There is a lesson to be learned. All these birds were representative of various species of birds. All these birds ate together in peace. The lesson is if birds can enjoy a peaceful gathering, why can not mankind agree in peace also?
As 2010 comes to a close I look back on this year. The year has been a roller coast of ups and downs. It has been a year of personal growth, learning, adjustment. The year began with still being unemployed. I was approved for disability shortly after the new year began. My battle with unemployment continued on, I was defeated with the last appeal.
The findings were a mix of lies and half truths. I was disappointed I knew all long I would not have been approved. Disability began in April, the financial struggle would go on. As I learned to live on a fixed income. We were learning to live on less, God continued his bountiful blessings. I sold the Pontiac because the cost of the repairs were beyond our reach. We nursed Betty's 87 Celebrity along as best as we could. We had a wonderful birding field trip to Ninestone land trust. We continued our ministry at the Rescue Mission at the end of each month. Jennifer visited in June for a week we had a great time together. Betty's son John and family visited for a weekend in July. In October Betty's youngest son Charlie sent us bus tickets to visit his family in Texas. Riding the bus was a journey back in time. I was surprised how many still used the bus to travel across the USA.
The Celebrity decided to go into permanent retirement. We were faced with the challenge of replacing a much needed vehicle. The reality would be a major outlay of money of which we had no extra. What we looked at would be suspect of running long term. Friends loaned us a vehicle to help us out. We went to Texas, we put aside our problems for a week. We knew when we came back that we would need to resolve the problem. On a running night at midnight we returned to Fort Smith. Our friends meet us.
They had a surprise that was shocking. They presented us the keys to a Toyota Corolla, they gave us car. We have nicknamed the car "God's Car, The Green Angel" Another hurdle was cleared. We went to south Arkansas for Christmas and to with family.
God has been so faithful to us both during this time. He has met every need has they have arisen. Through his faithfulness , my faithfulness has grown and deepen. My desire to please God, to do God's will in my own life has deepen. I have learned to relinquish the control of life in favor of God's control for my life. I realize that if God will lead me to it, He will lead me through it. That his plan for my life exceeds my own plans. I seek to do God's will. I desire to deepen my knowledge of God's word. This has been a time of adjustment in life. I am learning to slow down , adjusting to a life without working.
I have been busy with corresponding with others through hand written letters and postcards made from my photographs. I have received postcards from all over the world.
I meet and have made friends through my corespence. The most rewarding part of this has been the time I have spent with the love of my life. how our love, our friendship has grown, deepen. We have shared the trails together. We have cried together and laughed together. More then anything we have learned to pray through all situations in our lives.
God has answered our prayers. The answers I have learned are on His timetable not my own. God's timing is perfect.
As 2010 slips into a memory. I look to 2011 with joy, anticipation of things to come. My prayer for the New Year, that God lead me, direct me use me to advance his kingdom. The direction I take I want to do so for his glory. I want God to guide in my life. direct my life to minister for God. That whatever path I choose will not be taken unless God approves. That God opens my heart, my ears to listen to Him. I will be constantly reminded that God has given me a second chance and took me back to his flock and forgiven me.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to everyone.
Since the late seventies till recently, I have to work Christmas. In that span of years I lost the joy of Christmas, became a Grinch. It had become a day just like any other day. My daughter threw those years was confused and hurt. She was confused because she did not understand why I choose to work, she was hurt because of my negative words. I regret that I took the joy of Christmas for my daughter. Like the Grinch who steals the Who's Christmas, I stole my daughter's Christmas.
After I had lost my Mom in eighties, my joy for Christmas was lost. It been fading in the years before. The death of my Mom iced the cake. My Mother always made Christmas special. The piles of cookies and goodies that seem to be endless. The rich smells of from the kitchen . My Dad always picked the biggest possible, fullest tree, the freshest tree. It sat in a bucket of water in the garage before coming into the house. The lights strung with precision, near perfection. Ornaments hung from each branch. The mantle lined with cards with Christmas wishes. On Christmas morning we awoke to stockings overflowing hung on the mantle. Piles of perfectly wrapped presents under the tree. Three impatient boys eagerly awaiting to open the treasure. Not before Mom and Dad had coffee, Dad starting a fire. Sitting on the floor seeking out treasures that had our names on them. For me is opening the smallest package first, saving the biggest for last. The living room buried in mounds of wrapping paper.As the day went Grandparents would arrive and more gifts.The kitchen aromas of a turkey roasting, pies baking. Christmas dinner the table spread with food from end to the other. Pumpkin pie with mounds of whipped cream. Mother always made Christmas special. Both my mom and dad have passed, the Christmas memories, their love remain.
After my mom passed Christmas just felt empty. I was working in hospital food service, meals are served 365 days a year. The joy of Christmas faded through the years. I worked most every Christmas, year after year. Somewhere I began to put my job ahead of my family, I became a workaholic. I prefer working then celebrating Christmas. Christmas morning became a rushed event before going to work. My daughter was hurt, could not understand why. As she grew begin to understand more,the hurt deepen. I look back on all I missed in those years, the joy I lost. The Grinch spirit harden me like stone. It became a time of argument as to why. It ruined my daughter's Christmas every year. It piled on to the pile of hurts. The Grinch stayed became more year around. As the years passed it just became accepted that I would working. It became that way for other family celebrations.
My heart harden like stone, I was angry, mad most of the time. I was angry at God, blamed him for each of my mistakes failures. I pushed God away, the Devil being the great opportunist he is saw a grand opening. His evil spread through my heart. When I thought the bottom had been reached, it too fell out. A job I had put my life into was pull out from me. Job opportunities were not there. My marriage had failed also. I decide to walk away from my life, start over. I went south to Arkansas. Again I had deeply hurt my daughter by my actions.
I found a job like other jobs I had I put myself into it. I found love, a love unlike any that ever felt. On a stormy night in April of 05, her love for God, lead me back to God. I redicated my life to God. I asked for forgiveness for all the sins I had commited. Like a lost sheep God being the shepard is took me back into his flock. The hurt my daughter begin to ease. As my love for God grew, my faith deepen too. We were married that following Januray. The moments twe have shared have been so special. We found an amazing church.
The pattern of being a workalcoic was not broken. I poured five years into a job that physically, emtionally drained the life out of me. In the fall of of "09" is was over for good.
Unlike in the past I was not angry or bitter towards God. I felt a peace, a relief that it was over. It was that moment I amazed myself gave God control of my life for the first time. Me the control freak give it to God. While the months that followed were difficult my faith never wavered, my love for God never failed. God, blessings outpoured into our lives. Ever need we had was meet beyond our expecations. My faithfulness was exceed by God's faithfulness. Now as I am no longer working, on disability. Life has a new meaning.
This Christmas I approch with the giddy excitement of a kid. I realize that is not about the gifts, the tree, the decorations. It is about love, how you share love with others. God, shared his love by bringing his son into this world. His son had the humblest of beginings.
As fences of past hurts are mended, the joy, the meaning of this season fill my soul.
Mary unwrapped the first gift, kissed the face of God. A gift that still changes lives today.
That gift has forever changed my own life. I have a happiness in life that I have not felt at this itenstity. Our tree will not be overflowing with gifts, it will be overflowing with love for God, each other. I praise God for his love, his forgiveness, his faithfulness, his overflowing blessings.
Merry Christmas.
Since the late seventies till recently, I have to work Christmas. In that span of years I lost the joy of Christmas, became a Grinch. It had become a day just like any other day. My daughter threw those years was confused and hurt. She was confused because she did not understand why I choose to work, she was hurt because of my negative words. I regret that I took the joy of Christmas for my daughter. Like the Grinch who steals the Who's Christmas, I stole my daughter's Christmas.
After I had lost my Mom in eighties, my joy for Christmas was lost. It been fading in the years before. The death of my Mom iced the cake. My Mother always made Christmas special. The piles of cookies and goodies that seem to be endless. The rich smells of from the kitchen . My Dad always picked the biggest possible, fullest tree, the freshest tree. It sat in a bucket of water in the garage before coming into the house. The lights strung with precision, near perfection. Ornaments hung from each branch. The mantle lined with cards with Christmas wishes. On Christmas morning we awoke to stockings overflowing hung on the mantle. Piles of perfectly wrapped presents under the tree. Three impatient boys eagerly awaiting to open the treasure. Not before Mom and Dad had coffee, Dad starting a fire. Sitting on the floor seeking out treasures that had our names on them. For me is opening the smallest package first, saving the biggest for last. The living room buried in mounds of wrapping paper.As the day went Grandparents would arrive and more gifts.The kitchen aromas of a turkey roasting, pies baking. Christmas dinner the table spread with food from end to the other. Pumpkin pie with mounds of whipped cream. Mother always made Christmas special. Both my mom and dad have passed, the Christmas memories, their love remain.
After my mom passed Christmas just felt empty. I was working in hospital food service, meals are served 365 days a year. The joy of Christmas faded through the years. I worked most every Christmas, year after year. Somewhere I began to put my job ahead of my family, I became a workaholic. I prefer working then celebrating Christmas. Christmas morning became a rushed event before going to work. My daughter was hurt, could not understand why. As she grew begin to understand more,the hurt deepen. I look back on all I missed in those years, the joy I lost. The Grinch spirit harden me like stone. It became a time of argument as to why. It ruined my daughter's Christmas every year. It piled on to the pile of hurts. The Grinch stayed became more year around. As the years passed it just became accepted that I would working. It became that way for other family celebrations.
My heart harden like stone, I was angry, mad most of the time. I was angry at God, blamed him for each of my mistakes failures. I pushed God away, the Devil being the great opportunist he is saw a grand opening. His evil spread through my heart. When I thought the bottom had been reached, it too fell out. A job I had put my life into was pull out from me. Job opportunities were not there. My marriage had failed also. I decide to walk away from my life, start over. I went south to Arkansas. Again I had deeply hurt my daughter by my actions.
I found a job like other jobs I had I put myself into it. I found love, a love unlike any that ever felt. On a stormy night in April of 05, her love for God, lead me back to God. I redicated my life to God. I asked for forgiveness for all the sins I had commited. Like a lost sheep God being the shepard is took me back into his flock. The hurt my daughter begin to ease. As my love for God grew, my faith deepen too. We were married that following Januray. The moments twe have shared have been so special. We found an amazing church.
The pattern of being a workalcoic was not broken. I poured five years into a job that physically, emtionally drained the life out of me. In the fall of of "09" is was over for good.
Unlike in the past I was not angry or bitter towards God. I felt a peace, a relief that it was over. It was that moment I amazed myself gave God control of my life for the first time. Me the control freak give it to God. While the months that followed were difficult my faith never wavered, my love for God never failed. God, blessings outpoured into our lives. Ever need we had was meet beyond our expecations. My faithfulness was exceed by God's faithfulness. Now as I am no longer working, on disability. Life has a new meaning.
This Christmas I approch with the giddy excitement of a kid. I realize that is not about the gifts, the tree, the decorations. It is about love, how you share love with others. God, shared his love by bringing his son into this world. His son had the humblest of beginings.
As fences of past hurts are mended, the joy, the meaning of this season fill my soul.
Mary unwrapped the first gift, kissed the face of God. A gift that still changes lives today.
That gift has forever changed my own life. I have a happiness in life that I have not felt at this itenstity. Our tree will not be overflowing with gifts, it will be overflowing with love for God, each other. I praise God for his love, his forgiveness, his faithfulness, his overflowing blessings.
Merry Christmas.
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