Merry Christmas to all. In the rush of this day, pause and thank God for the greatest gift He gave Jesus.
Yesterday our modest feeding station was the scene of a Feathery Christmas Party. Four couples of Cardinals were present, Sparrows, Blue Jays, Collared Doves, Mourning Doves,
Woodpeckers, Titmouse, Red Polls, Finches. They dined at both the hanging feeders and the seed about the patio. A handful of peanuts in the shell were out for the dining pleasure of the Blue Jays. Everyone ate in peaceful harmony. One guest left a gift, a wadded piece of tin foil. Which later mysteriously disappeared. Everyone ate till they full. The Blue Jay was very selective on the peanuts he choose. He flew down to pick a peanut, went into the nearby tree to inspect. If it did not pass his quality test it was returned, a different one was chosen. After having found one to his liking he took off with the peanut, return minutes later to start his selecting again. There is a lesson to be learned. All these birds were representative of various species of birds. All these birds ate together in peace. The lesson is if birds can enjoy a peaceful gathering, why can not mankind agree in peace also?
As 2010 comes to a close I look back on this year. The year has been a roller coast of ups and downs. It has been a year of personal growth, learning, adjustment. The year began with still being unemployed. I was approved for disability shortly after the new year began. My battle with unemployment continued on, I was defeated with the last appeal.
The findings were a mix of lies and half truths. I was disappointed I knew all long I would not have been approved. Disability began in April, the financial struggle would go on. As I learned to live on a fixed income. We were learning to live on less, God continued his bountiful blessings. I sold the Pontiac because the cost of the repairs were beyond our reach. We nursed Betty's 87 Celebrity along as best as we could. We had a wonderful birding field trip to Ninestone land trust. We continued our ministry at the Rescue Mission at the end of each month. Jennifer visited in June for a week we had a great time together. Betty's son John and family visited for a weekend in July. In October Betty's youngest son Charlie sent us bus tickets to visit his family in Texas. Riding the bus was a journey back in time. I was surprised how many still used the bus to travel across the USA.
The Celebrity decided to go into permanent retirement. We were faced with the challenge of replacing a much needed vehicle. The reality would be a major outlay of money of which we had no extra. What we looked at would be suspect of running long term. Friends loaned us a vehicle to help us out. We went to Texas, we put aside our problems for a week. We knew when we came back that we would need to resolve the problem. On a running night at midnight we returned to Fort Smith. Our friends meet us.
They had a surprise that was shocking. They presented us the keys to a Toyota Corolla, they gave us car. We have nicknamed the car "God's Car, The Green Angel" Another hurdle was cleared. We went to south Arkansas for Christmas and to with family.
God has been so faithful to us both during this time. He has met every need has they have arisen. Through his faithfulness , my faithfulness has grown and deepen. My desire to please God, to do God's will in my own life has deepen. I have learned to relinquish the control of life in favor of God's control for my life. I realize that if God will lead me to it, He will lead me through it. That his plan for my life exceeds my own plans. I seek to do God's will. I desire to deepen my knowledge of God's word. This has been a time of adjustment in life. I am learning to slow down , adjusting to a life without working.
I have been busy with corresponding with others through hand written letters and postcards made from my photographs. I have received postcards from all over the world.
I meet and have made friends through my corespence. The most rewarding part of this has been the time I have spent with the love of my life. how our love, our friendship has grown, deepen. We have shared the trails together. We have cried together and laughed together. More then anything we have learned to pray through all situations in our lives.
God has answered our prayers. The answers I have learned are on His timetable not my own. God's timing is perfect.
As 2010 slips into a memory. I look to 2011 with joy, anticipation of things to come. My prayer for the New Year, that God lead me, direct me use me to advance his kingdom. The direction I take I want to do so for his glory. I want God to guide in my life. direct my life to minister for God. That whatever path I choose will not be taken unless God approves. That God opens my heart, my ears to listen to Him. I will be constantly reminded that God has given me a second chance and took me back to his flock and forgiven me.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to everyone.
Since the late seventies till recently, I have to work Christmas. In that span of years I lost the joy of Christmas, became a Grinch. It had become a day just like any other day. My daughter threw those years was confused and hurt. She was confused because she did not understand why I choose to work, she was hurt because of my negative words. I regret that I took the joy of Christmas for my daughter. Like the Grinch who steals the Who's Christmas, I stole my daughter's Christmas.
After I had lost my Mom in eighties, my joy for Christmas was lost. It been fading in the years before. The death of my Mom iced the cake. My Mother always made Christmas special. The piles of cookies and goodies that seem to be endless. The rich smells of from the kitchen . My Dad always picked the biggest possible, fullest tree, the freshest tree. It sat in a bucket of water in the garage before coming into the house. The lights strung with precision, near perfection. Ornaments hung from each branch. The mantle lined with cards with Christmas wishes. On Christmas morning we awoke to stockings overflowing hung on the mantle. Piles of perfectly wrapped presents under the tree. Three impatient boys eagerly awaiting to open the treasure. Not before Mom and Dad had coffee, Dad starting a fire. Sitting on the floor seeking out treasures that had our names on them. For me is opening the smallest package first, saving the biggest for last. The living room buried in mounds of wrapping paper.As the day went Grandparents would arrive and more gifts.The kitchen aromas of a turkey roasting, pies baking. Christmas dinner the table spread with food from end to the other. Pumpkin pie with mounds of whipped cream. Mother always made Christmas special. Both my mom and dad have passed, the Christmas memories, their love remain.
After my mom passed Christmas just felt empty. I was working in hospital food service, meals are served 365 days a year. The joy of Christmas faded through the years. I worked most every Christmas, year after year. Somewhere I began to put my job ahead of my family, I became a workaholic. I prefer working then celebrating Christmas. Christmas morning became a rushed event before going to work. My daughter was hurt, could not understand why. As she grew begin to understand more,the hurt deepen. I look back on all I missed in those years, the joy I lost. The Grinch spirit harden me like stone. It became a time of argument as to why. It ruined my daughter's Christmas every year. It piled on to the pile of hurts. The Grinch stayed became more year around. As the years passed it just became accepted that I would working. It became that way for other family celebrations.
My heart harden like stone, I was angry, mad most of the time. I was angry at God, blamed him for each of my mistakes failures. I pushed God away, the Devil being the great opportunist he is saw a grand opening. His evil spread through my heart. When I thought the bottom had been reached, it too fell out. A job I had put my life into was pull out from me. Job opportunities were not there. My marriage had failed also. I decide to walk away from my life, start over. I went south to Arkansas. Again I had deeply hurt my daughter by my actions.
I found a job like other jobs I had I put myself into it. I found love, a love unlike any that ever felt. On a stormy night in April of 05, her love for God, lead me back to God. I redicated my life to God. I asked for forgiveness for all the sins I had commited. Like a lost sheep God being the shepard is took me back into his flock. The hurt my daughter begin to ease. As my love for God grew, my faith deepen too. We were married that following Januray. The moments twe have shared have been so special. We found an amazing church.
The pattern of being a workalcoic was not broken. I poured five years into a job that physically, emtionally drained the life out of me. In the fall of of "09" is was over for good.
Unlike in the past I was not angry or bitter towards God. I felt a peace, a relief that it was over. It was that moment I amazed myself gave God control of my life for the first time. Me the control freak give it to God. While the months that followed were difficult my faith never wavered, my love for God never failed. God, blessings outpoured into our lives. Ever need we had was meet beyond our expecations. My faithfulness was exceed by God's faithfulness. Now as I am no longer working, on disability. Life has a new meaning.
This Christmas I approch with the giddy excitement of a kid. I realize that is not about the gifts, the tree, the decorations. It is about love, how you share love with others. God, shared his love by bringing his son into this world. His son had the humblest of beginings.
As fences of past hurts are mended, the joy, the meaning of this season fill my soul.
Mary unwrapped the first gift, kissed the face of God. A gift that still changes lives today.
That gift has forever changed my own life. I have a happiness in life that I have not felt at this itenstity. Our tree will not be overflowing with gifts, it will be overflowing with love for God, each other. I praise God for his love, his forgiveness, his faithfulness, his overflowing blessings.
Merry Christmas.
Since the late seventies till recently, I have to work Christmas. In that span of years I lost the joy of Christmas, became a Grinch. It had become a day just like any other day. My daughter threw those years was confused and hurt. She was confused because she did not understand why I choose to work, she was hurt because of my negative words. I regret that I took the joy of Christmas for my daughter. Like the Grinch who steals the Who's Christmas, I stole my daughter's Christmas.
After I had lost my Mom in eighties, my joy for Christmas was lost. It been fading in the years before. The death of my Mom iced the cake. My Mother always made Christmas special. The piles of cookies and goodies that seem to be endless. The rich smells of from the kitchen . My Dad always picked the biggest possible, fullest tree, the freshest tree. It sat in a bucket of water in the garage before coming into the house. The lights strung with precision, near perfection. Ornaments hung from each branch. The mantle lined with cards with Christmas wishes. On Christmas morning we awoke to stockings overflowing hung on the mantle. Piles of perfectly wrapped presents under the tree. Three impatient boys eagerly awaiting to open the treasure. Not before Mom and Dad had coffee, Dad starting a fire. Sitting on the floor seeking out treasures that had our names on them. For me is opening the smallest package first, saving the biggest for last. The living room buried in mounds of wrapping paper.As the day went Grandparents would arrive and more gifts.The kitchen aromas of a turkey roasting, pies baking. Christmas dinner the table spread with food from end to the other. Pumpkin pie with mounds of whipped cream. Mother always made Christmas special. Both my mom and dad have passed, the Christmas memories, their love remain.
After my mom passed Christmas just felt empty. I was working in hospital food service, meals are served 365 days a year. The joy of Christmas faded through the years. I worked most every Christmas, year after year. Somewhere I began to put my job ahead of my family, I became a workaholic. I prefer working then celebrating Christmas. Christmas morning became a rushed event before going to work. My daughter was hurt, could not understand why. As she grew begin to understand more,the hurt deepen. I look back on all I missed in those years, the joy I lost. The Grinch spirit harden me like stone. It became a time of argument as to why. It ruined my daughter's Christmas every year. It piled on to the pile of hurts. The Grinch stayed became more year around. As the years passed it just became accepted that I would working. It became that way for other family celebrations.
My heart harden like stone, I was angry, mad most of the time. I was angry at God, blamed him for each of my mistakes failures. I pushed God away, the Devil being the great opportunist he is saw a grand opening. His evil spread through my heart. When I thought the bottom had been reached, it too fell out. A job I had put my life into was pull out from me. Job opportunities were not there. My marriage had failed also. I decide to walk away from my life, start over. I went south to Arkansas. Again I had deeply hurt my daughter by my actions.
I found a job like other jobs I had I put myself into it. I found love, a love unlike any that ever felt. On a stormy night in April of 05, her love for God, lead me back to God. I redicated my life to God. I asked for forgiveness for all the sins I had commited. Like a lost sheep God being the shepard is took me back into his flock. The hurt my daughter begin to ease. As my love for God grew, my faith deepen too. We were married that following Januray. The moments twe have shared have been so special. We found an amazing church.
The pattern of being a workalcoic was not broken. I poured five years into a job that physically, emtionally drained the life out of me. In the fall of of "09" is was over for good.
Unlike in the past I was not angry or bitter towards God. I felt a peace, a relief that it was over. It was that moment I amazed myself gave God control of my life for the first time. Me the control freak give it to God. While the months that followed were difficult my faith never wavered, my love for God never failed. God, blessings outpoured into our lives. Ever need we had was meet beyond our expecations. My faithfulness was exceed by God's faithfulness. Now as I am no longer working, on disability. Life has a new meaning.
This Christmas I approch with the giddy excitement of a kid. I realize that is not about the gifts, the tree, the decorations. It is about love, how you share love with others. God, shared his love by bringing his son into this world. His son had the humblest of beginings.
As fences of past hurts are mended, the joy, the meaning of this season fill my soul.
Mary unwrapped the first gift, kissed the face of God. A gift that still changes lives today.
That gift has forever changed my own life. I have a happiness in life that I have not felt at this itenstity. Our tree will not be overflowing with gifts, it will be overflowing with love for God, each other. I praise God for his love, his forgiveness, his faithfulness, his overflowing blessings.
Merry Christmas.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Winter is at the door
Thanksgiving morning, I was laying in bed, letting the body awake, the stiffness to abate some. I listen to the songs of the morning a Carolina Chickadee, was praising the new morning. The House Sparrows, Juncos chipped in also. I heard the Collared Doves nasal coo.
All this music was drowned out as a flock of Snow Geese noisily honked above. As though they were praising the fact they would not be Thanksgiving dinner. As the Scissor Tail is the harbinger of spring, the Snow Geese are a harbinger of winter. They have flown great distances to winter here in Arkansas and points south. They fly in great flocks high in the sky honking as they go. Once on the ground they each family has a distinct sound to help gather the family together. The first few moments are a frenzy to find family members.
Upon the wings of the Snow Geese the cold north wind followed, as though they brought it with them from their summer roosts far north. The lakes around here are dotted with Loons, also arriving from the far north, to escape frozen waters. They settle in on lakes here that won't likely freeze. Common Loons can be heard yodeling their entire melody across the lakes. Then diving deep into the water, then resurfacing some place else. There are joined by their more rarer cousins the Red Throat, the Pacific, and the rarest of them all the Yellow Bill.
On a rare occasion you are able to spot all four species in one day. Ducks seeking warmer waters fly south to enjoy the lakes that are not frigid or frozen over with ice.
The Bald Eagle ventures south to winter, to enjoy ample food supplies. They will build their condos high in the trees. Males will court females and begin a family of their own. They soar high in the sky enjoying the endless blue skies, a little bite in the air.
Winter in Arkansas is mild and virtually snow free, unlike the burtalness of Chicago winters.
Where snow blows, always followed with frigid temperatures that seem to on for days at a time. I laugh sometimes at how Arkansans freak out about a mere inch of snow. How they say it is so cold outside when the temps rarely dip below 20.
The madness of the season is upon us, black Friday has passed, today is supposedly Cyber Monday. I have seen carts piled high with toys, other gifts, that are probably wel beyond the means of their income. Retailers, hope that this will rescue them from doldrums of lack luster sales. Some how in this mad dash to the finsh line of Christmas, we have lost something. The real meaning of the season Jesus' birth, how that birth came about to save mankind. In this busy season take pause and thank God, for bringing His son for son.
All this music was drowned out as a flock of Snow Geese noisily honked above. As though they were praising the fact they would not be Thanksgiving dinner. As the Scissor Tail is the harbinger of spring, the Snow Geese are a harbinger of winter. They have flown great distances to winter here in Arkansas and points south. They fly in great flocks high in the sky honking as they go. Once on the ground they each family has a distinct sound to help gather the family together. The first few moments are a frenzy to find family members.
Upon the wings of the Snow Geese the cold north wind followed, as though they brought it with them from their summer roosts far north. The lakes around here are dotted with Loons, also arriving from the far north, to escape frozen waters. They settle in on lakes here that won't likely freeze. Common Loons can be heard yodeling their entire melody across the lakes. Then diving deep into the water, then resurfacing some place else. There are joined by their more rarer cousins the Red Throat, the Pacific, and the rarest of them all the Yellow Bill.
On a rare occasion you are able to spot all four species in one day. Ducks seeking warmer waters fly south to enjoy the lakes that are not frigid or frozen over with ice.
The Bald Eagle ventures south to winter, to enjoy ample food supplies. They will build their condos high in the trees. Males will court females and begin a family of their own. They soar high in the sky enjoying the endless blue skies, a little bite in the air.
Winter in Arkansas is mild and virtually snow free, unlike the burtalness of Chicago winters.
Where snow blows, always followed with frigid temperatures that seem to on for days at a time. I laugh sometimes at how Arkansans freak out about a mere inch of snow. How they say it is so cold outside when the temps rarely dip below 20.
The madness of the season is upon us, black Friday has passed, today is supposedly Cyber Monday. I have seen carts piled high with toys, other gifts, that are probably wel beyond the means of their income. Retailers, hope that this will rescue them from doldrums of lack luster sales. Some how in this mad dash to the finsh line of Christmas, we have lost something. The real meaning of the season Jesus' birth, how that birth came about to save mankind. In this busy season take pause and thank God, for bringing His son for son.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving 2010
Thanksgiving is tomorrow, the focus is no longer on the blessings of God. Rather the focus has become on the day after that supposedly kicks off the Holiday shopping. What was once a traditional day has now become a day of shopping. We lose more of our Godly values, as we fail to be thankful for God's blessings.
As a nation we turn further away from God, godly values that this nation was founded upon.
I know personally for myself the journey of the last fifteen months has been arduous. Each step in that journey has been with God. From the moment I was fired God, began counseling and teaching me. Throughout my life I always thought that I had a better way then God. That I alone could solve any problem or issue in my life without God. That I miss believed that once I was saved, that life would be easier. God, never has promised that you would be without struggles or trails in my life. Throughout my life the struggles and trails were ones I had created. I only compounded the severity of them by trying to resolve them without God. For the first time in my life I gave God control of my life, during the storm of the last months. I guess with age one does become wiser. I think it is much than that, it is a maturity of my faith. When the storm was about to engulf me God, lifted me onto higher ground each time. God, has truly been so awesome these past months.
I praise God, for his blessings in my life. I praise him for a second chance with him. When I hit the lowest ebb in my life he was willing to forgive me. When Betty, entered my life God, entered my life also. The night I redicated my life to God was so life changing. I had spent years running, trying to hide from God. Listening to the lies of the greatest lair of them all. I was all alone in a very dark place in my life. God's light pierced that darkness, He forgave me. He wiped my slate clean. Like the good Shepard He is He, came for this lost sheep. I praise God, for Betty, her love for me. I praise God, for restoring me. I praise God, for my loving daughter Jennifer. I praise God, for the countless blessings he has bestowed upon me. I praise God, for a loving church family I have at Victory Temple. I praise God, for the friendships that I have built.I praise God, for Betty's sons families for being so loving and accepting of me. I praise God, for giving me the talent of cooking, using that to minsters to others monthly. I praise God, for the beauty of His maginfect creation. I praise God, for His love. I praise God, for never giving up on me, even when I gave up on. God's light shines through the darkest momnets of life.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Take time to refelct on God, and be thankful for your own blessings.
As a nation we turn further away from God, godly values that this nation was founded upon.
I know personally for myself the journey of the last fifteen months has been arduous. Each step in that journey has been with God. From the moment I was fired God, began counseling and teaching me. Throughout my life I always thought that I had a better way then God. That I alone could solve any problem or issue in my life without God. That I miss believed that once I was saved, that life would be easier. God, never has promised that you would be without struggles or trails in my life. Throughout my life the struggles and trails were ones I had created. I only compounded the severity of them by trying to resolve them without God. For the first time in my life I gave God control of my life, during the storm of the last months. I guess with age one does become wiser. I think it is much than that, it is a maturity of my faith. When the storm was about to engulf me God, lifted me onto higher ground each time. God, has truly been so awesome these past months.
I praise God, for his blessings in my life. I praise him for a second chance with him. When I hit the lowest ebb in my life he was willing to forgive me. When Betty, entered my life God, entered my life also. The night I redicated my life to God was so life changing. I had spent years running, trying to hide from God. Listening to the lies of the greatest lair of them all. I was all alone in a very dark place in my life. God's light pierced that darkness, He forgave me. He wiped my slate clean. Like the good Shepard He is He, came for this lost sheep. I praise God, for Betty, her love for me. I praise God, for restoring me. I praise God, for my loving daughter Jennifer. I praise God, for the countless blessings he has bestowed upon me. I praise God, for a loving church family I have at Victory Temple. I praise God, for the friendships that I have built.I praise God, for Betty's sons families for being so loving and accepting of me. I praise God, for giving me the talent of cooking, using that to minsters to others monthly. I praise God, for the beauty of His maginfect creation. I praise God, for His love. I praise God, for never giving up on me, even when I gave up on. God's light shines through the darkest momnets of life.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Take time to refelct on God, and be thankful for your own blessings.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Season of Change
It is funny how as you age, certain memories become more focused and clearer. You learn that some memories are misplaced in the attic of your mind. Yet other memories become redefined with a clearer truth.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I remember fondly the Thanksgivings of my childhood. The sweet smells whiffing from the kitchen. The distinct aroma of Turkey roasting. A fire ablaze in the fireplace giving the living room a glow and warming the house. My mother arose early that morning to began cooking the huge bird. we always had. Pies had been made the night before. Trying to sneak into the kitchen for a bite to eat, being chased off. Family members arriving signaled that dinner would soon be served. Feeling like royalty the feast was laid out across the dining room table. My Grandfather blessed the food. My Dad began to crave the turkey. Dishes passed around the table, so little talking as food was being eaten. Barely room for dessert, Pumpkin Pie was a must. A slice of Pumpkin Pie with a mound of whip cream. Then helping clean-up.
Those memories are sweetly cherished. Seems like a lifetime ago.
Now Thanksgiving has become step-child holiday, almost forgotten. In the rush to have Christmas, retailers to ring in large sales. Christmas, began after the Fourth of July, like a snowball rolling down hill it has become huge retail nightmare. Lost in this madness for shopping is Jesus, the reason we have Christmas. It has become holiday that has removed Jesus. Certain groups of people have taken it upon themselves to make sure Jesus is successfully removed. They find Jesus, offensive and violation of what? We have forgotten our founding fathers, principles of God, that founded this nation. The mere mention of Merry Christmas is frowned upon. The more politically correct term Happy Holidays has replaced it. Political correctness is leading this nation into damnation. I really do not care if people, clerks are offended by me saying Merry Christmas, I will proudly say it. The more we remove God from this nation, the deeper we go into hell as a nation.
Like changing seasons, I am entering a change, as Friday draws closer. Stand on my faith and trust God that he will provide the correct results. Still this appointment is daunting and scary. I have never been real fond of going to doctors. As I age I understand the purpose of doctors in my life. Going to an oncologist brings apprehension. The one doctor you do not want to see hopefully during your life is an oncologist. The mention of cancer, is a daunting diagnosis. Like all challenges in my life, I will meet this one head on. I am one not to let pain be the focus of my life, lately that is becoming more difficult.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Fall
The heat of the past summer, is now a passed. Fall unfolds slowly. the temperatures drop.
I enjoy Indian Summer, the cool of the night, the mildness of the day. Fall here in the "Natural State" is such pleasant experience. Knowing that the fall will slip into winter without a big hurrah. Unlike the winters of Illinois along the shores of Lake Michigan at times can be bitter. Snow that swirls with the wind as it blows from the north. The endless gray dreary days. The first snow is always beautiful, it quickly turns to a sloppy slush of gray. Each snow is followed by sub zero temperatures. When you are a kid snow is fun. Snowball fights, snow forts outside till you are wet and cold. As you become older you shovel walks earning some pocket money. As an adult snow shovel becomes drudgery and back breaking. Now I am in Arkansas, where winter is more Mother Natures' joke. They become excited about a few inches of snow, the temperature rarely goes below 20 degrees. It is great to go bird watching without the bone chilling cold. I do miss chumming Gulls on Lake Michigan, searching for an elusive Snowy Owls. Winter here are spent finding wintering Eagles, Loons, Geese.
This past Friday we decided to take a road trip to Oklahoma. We took our "Little Green Angel" on it's maiden outing. We went south along Route 71 in Arkansas, to Route 70 going west into Oklahoma, then north on Route 259 through Eastern Oklahoma. It is called the Winding Staircase. We stopped at Beaver Bend State Park. They have a lovely museum on forestry. There were numerous wood sculptures of animals and birds. We added three more birds to our year list pushing it up to 207. We tallied 565+ Turkey Vultures, 45+ Black Vultures, 5 Bald Eagles. The drive was very scenic, we saw how beautiful God's creation is. We tend to be so rushed in our lives, that we often overlook the beauty before us. Fo me personally I strive each day to take time and marvel at the beauty of God's creation.
The feeder is up for the winter, yesterday it was empty. I filled early in the morning, within seconds a bird text message went out that it was full. Within seconds there was a flurry of activity at the feeder. This morning the Collared Doves found their treat on the patio. It is rather comical to watch them. There was one that had not learned how to share. He was quite adamant about not letting anyone share in the buffet before him. He defended the buffet from any interlopers in getting a bite. He chased off three other relatives from partaking. He chased one into the wall of the apartment, no serious damage to either.
I am antsy about next week, I am not a very good at waiting. Add to that I am not terribly fond of going to the doctor either. I stand on my faith that God has this in his hands. I am sure the tests will probably be unpleasant. In the past thirteen months I have learned that God, handles problems, struggles far better than I do. I have learned that you need to get of the way and let God's faithfulness and mercy room to work. God, does not like his faithful ones to suffer unnecessarily. Believing God, does not give you a free pass in life.
When I first believed I thought that I would have problem free life, that the struggles would be easy. When that did not happen I become angry disillusioned at God. Always asking why. The first years that I believed I lost my Mother, a house, a car. I was angry at God for this blaming Him. I ran from God, instead of running into His arms in times of trouble. I thought it was churches, I church hopped, till I gave up. I guess six years ago after loosing a job of 25 years, a failed marriage I was in the deepest pit. Then I found a love like any I had known. She led me back to Christ, I redicated my life. I am wiser ( I think) now, I am maturing in my faith. I understand God at a deeper level. For the first time in my life I realized that my way, my control is not the best. That God, manages my life much better then I have ever. As I face this next mountain before me I have faith that God. will move it.
I enjoy Indian Summer, the cool of the night, the mildness of the day. Fall here in the "Natural State" is such pleasant experience. Knowing that the fall will slip into winter without a big hurrah. Unlike the winters of Illinois along the shores of Lake Michigan at times can be bitter. Snow that swirls with the wind as it blows from the north. The endless gray dreary days. The first snow is always beautiful, it quickly turns to a sloppy slush of gray. Each snow is followed by sub zero temperatures. When you are a kid snow is fun. Snowball fights, snow forts outside till you are wet and cold. As you become older you shovel walks earning some pocket money. As an adult snow shovel becomes drudgery and back breaking. Now I am in Arkansas, where winter is more Mother Natures' joke. They become excited about a few inches of snow, the temperature rarely goes below 20 degrees. It is great to go bird watching without the bone chilling cold. I do miss chumming Gulls on Lake Michigan, searching for an elusive Snowy Owls. Winter here are spent finding wintering Eagles, Loons, Geese.
The feeder is up for the winter, yesterday it was empty. I filled early in the morning, within seconds a bird text message went out that it was full. Within seconds there was a flurry of activity at the feeder. This morning the Collared Doves found their treat on the patio. It is rather comical to watch them. There was one that had not learned how to share. He was quite adamant about not letting anyone share in the buffet before him. He defended the buffet from any interlopers in getting a bite. He chased off three other relatives from partaking. He chased one into the wall of the apartment, no serious damage to either.
I am antsy about next week, I am not a very good at waiting. Add to that I am not terribly fond of going to the doctor either. I stand on my faith that God has this in his hands. I am sure the tests will probably be unpleasant. In the past thirteen months I have learned that God, handles problems, struggles far better than I do. I have learned that you need to get of the way and let God's faithfulness and mercy room to work. God, does not like his faithful ones to suffer unnecessarily. Believing God, does not give you a free pass in life.
When I first believed I thought that I would have problem free life, that the struggles would be easy. When that did not happen I become angry disillusioned at God. Always asking why. The first years that I believed I lost my Mother, a house, a car. I was angry at God for this blaming Him. I ran from God, instead of running into His arms in times of trouble. I thought it was churches, I church hopped, till I gave up. I guess six years ago after loosing a job of 25 years, a failed marriage I was in the deepest pit. Then I found a love like any I had known. She led me back to Christ, I redicated my life. I am wiser ( I think) now, I am maturing in my faith. I understand God at a deeper level. For the first time in my life I realized that my way, my control is not the best. That God, manages my life much better then I have ever. As I face this next mountain before me I have faith that God. will move it.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
For Today 4 November
Today is the 4th of November, I love fall days. Windows are open the morning air has just a bite to it. The afternoon sun warms the day comfortably. This fall in the "Natural State". The trees were decked out in their fall fashion colors of golds,reds, yellows. Quite striking against the blue sky. Only saw two Red Tail Hawks today. The seem to respect each others territories, evenly spaced boundaries.
Life is like snapshots, each snap shot a memory. I have adopted the "Natural State", as home. Days like this I miss being at the Hawk Watch, along the shores of Lake Michigan. I fondly remember the hours watching for hawks to crest over the horizon. Birding here has been as equally rewarding. I never tire of watching the American White Pelicans or the Eagles that winter here. Or the marvel of a Turkey Vulture scooting across the sky without a wing beat. Or the first time I saw a flock of Wood Storks. The long walk in the heat to be rewarded with a breathtaking view of them as they crossed the sky above me.
This past year has been a year of facing giants, I have shouted my God is bigger. It has been a year of personal reflection, taking a deep personal inventory. God has dealt with me in a very intimate way. I have God whisper to me in such powerful ways. After years of being a workaholic, striving for perfection in the job I did. I realize the great sacrifices that were made in trying to achieving that brass ring. The years of not spending Christmas at home, instead working. How my family suffered from the weird, long hours I put in each day. In the long run it really was not worth it at all. I was never appreciated for the extra effort. In the end of 35+ years there were no hurrahs, no glory. God, has shown me such a deep love, deep faithfulness. I think about the years that I spent angry at God. God, is so forgiving, all you have to do is ask for his forgiveness. That walks in the valley are indeed better with God, holding your hand. God, will always see through the valley. When you are the weariest you will carry you. As I walked in the valley, I have learned to wait upon God. That I could not become impatient, that I needed to learn the lesson from God.
The one doctor that a person does not want an appointment with is the Oncologist. Even the mention of discussing the big "c" word is dreaded. As I faced the mountains in this past year, I stand on faith. Faith that God, is the greater healer. That God still performs miracles even today. That the tests that are forthcoming will be negative. I stand in faith with God, that he already has already handled this. Praise God.
Life is like snapshots, each snap shot a memory. I have adopted the "Natural State", as home. Days like this I miss being at the Hawk Watch, along the shores of Lake Michigan. I fondly remember the hours watching for hawks to crest over the horizon. Birding here has been as equally rewarding. I never tire of watching the American White Pelicans or the Eagles that winter here. Or the marvel of a Turkey Vulture scooting across the sky without a wing beat. Or the first time I saw a flock of Wood Storks. The long walk in the heat to be rewarded with a breathtaking view of them as they crossed the sky above me.
This past year has been a year of facing giants, I have shouted my God is bigger. It has been a year of personal reflection, taking a deep personal inventory. God has dealt with me in a very intimate way. I have God whisper to me in such powerful ways. After years of being a workaholic, striving for perfection in the job I did. I realize the great sacrifices that were made in trying to achieving that brass ring. The years of not spending Christmas at home, instead working. How my family suffered from the weird, long hours I put in each day. In the long run it really was not worth it at all. I was never appreciated for the extra effort. In the end of 35+ years there were no hurrahs, no glory. God, has shown me such a deep love, deep faithfulness. I think about the years that I spent angry at God. God, is so forgiving, all you have to do is ask for his forgiveness. That walks in the valley are indeed better with God, holding your hand. God, will always see through the valley. When you are the weariest you will carry you. As I walked in the valley, I have learned to wait upon God. That I could not become impatient, that I needed to learn the lesson from God.
The one doctor that a person does not want an appointment with is the Oncologist. Even the mention of discussing the big "c" word is dreaded. As I faced the mountains in this past year, I stand on faith. Faith that God, is the greater healer. That God still performs miracles even today. That the tests that are forthcoming will be negative. I stand in faith with God, that he already has already handled this. Praise God.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday
Today Friday 30 October,a brisk fall start to the day. Temperatures dipped down to the mid 30's last night. Our resident House Sparrow has found the bird-feeder to be a great shelter from the wind. We also have a Junco that adopts a spot too. I am wondering if it was the seem Junco that visited last year.
Today was a quiet day, nothing too pressing. Spent the morning for Betty's therapy. We then mad a quick dash to the Post Office.
We had decided to head north to Lake Fort Smith State Park. To view the colors on the Boston Mountains. The colors were awesome.
We also watched the Turkey Vultures dance across the sky, as they darted in and out of the thermals. Red Tails are being seen more regularly along the interstate. We tallied five Red Tails perched on their sentry posts.
I heard a very disturbing news report on the they home. A Michigan Abortion Clinic, was disposing aborted babies in the dumpster. Treating them as yesterday's trash. Has this nation become that barbaric that babies are just thrown out. As a nation we need to repent to God, for our sins.
As Tuesday election approaches, it could prove to be the most historic mid-term election in this Nation's history. I am a recovering liberal. President Obama was elected on the premise of great hope. He dashed that hope like a ship smashing into the rocks. His programs have rung up debt that will extend into four generations and possibly beyond. He has proven to be the most socialist president this nation has ever had. I once stood by the Democrat Party, always believing that represented the blue collar voter. Now as my values have changed, my political values have also changed. For the first time since I began voting, I will be voting for republicans. My vote will not be out of anger, my vote will be based upon more on my conservative values. This nation has strayed so far to left, has abandoned the Godly Principles that this nation was founded upon. Our nation has turned away from God. Immorality of this nation is sickening. When the news is flooded by celebrities, infidelity, drunk rampages, drug use etc.Carry these stories on and on.Sexual immorality that has become the rage. We need radical change in our leadership. While I personally hold little hope for that change Tuesday. I hope it will begin up righting the ship.
Today was a good day. Each day I manage the pain that is ever present. Some days it is just a nagging, other days it gives me fits. I try each day to try not let it dominate, some days I am the victor and other days it is the victors. I do my best to not complain about it, keeping it silent. In the past thirteen months I have grown spiritually, a little wiser. When I was fired at that moment I made a choice. A choice that I had never made before in my life. I choose to trust God, to handle my life.
It is amazing how when you get out of the way, let God, work.
That is today's post. Hindsight is not 20/20 vision. Pray for this nation.
Today was a quiet day, nothing too pressing. Spent the morning for Betty's therapy. We then mad a quick dash to the Post Office.
We also watched the Turkey Vultures dance across the sky, as they darted in and out of the thermals. Red Tails are being seen more regularly along the interstate. We tallied five Red Tails perched on their sentry posts.
I heard a very disturbing news report on the they home. A Michigan Abortion Clinic, was disposing aborted babies in the dumpster. Treating them as yesterday's trash. Has this nation become that barbaric that babies are just thrown out. As a nation we need to repent to God, for our sins.
As Tuesday election approaches, it could prove to be the most historic mid-term election in this Nation's history. I am a recovering liberal. President Obama was elected on the premise of great hope. He dashed that hope like a ship smashing into the rocks. His programs have rung up debt that will extend into four generations and possibly beyond. He has proven to be the most socialist president this nation has ever had. I once stood by the Democrat Party, always believing that represented the blue collar voter. Now as my values have changed, my political values have also changed. For the first time since I began voting, I will be voting for republicans. My vote will not be out of anger, my vote will be based upon more on my conservative values. This nation has strayed so far to left, has abandoned the Godly Principles that this nation was founded upon. Our nation has turned away from God. Immorality of this nation is sickening. When the news is flooded by celebrities, infidelity, drunk rampages, drug use etc.Carry these stories on and on.Sexual immorality that has become the rage. We need radical change in our leadership. While I personally hold little hope for that change Tuesday. I hope it will begin up righting the ship.
Today was a good day. Each day I manage the pain that is ever present. Some days it is just a nagging, other days it gives me fits. I try each day to try not let it dominate, some days I am the victor and other days it is the victors. I do my best to not complain about it, keeping it silent. In the past thirteen months I have grown spiritually, a little wiser. When I was fired at that moment I made a choice. A choice that I had never made before in my life. I choose to trust God, to handle my life.
It is amazing how when you get out of the way, let God, work.
That is today's post. Hindsight is not 20/20 vision. Pray for this nation.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday 28 October
The apartment windows were wide open during the night. Awoke to the chill of a brisk fall morning. Summer has moved on and fall is settling in. The sky was endless blue, with streaky white clouds. Today is a quiet day, no doctors appointments or excessive errands to run.
We are finally getting caught up from our week in Texas. Our trip was great, our visit with family was wonderful. We did it the old fashion way. We took the bus. Amazing how people are still using the bus for travel. I remember riding the bus in 70's, how it stopped in each rural town in Wisconsin. Probable cost efficient to stop that often, travelers are fewer.
Texas, landscape is punctuated with oil wells. Pumping liquid gold, to feed our thirst for oil. There were in the parks, in backyards etc. Eastern Texas, the pines reached skyward, their needles littering the sandy soil beneath. Texas, is the holy grail for birding. Our exploring for birds was limited to their patio, city parks. Remarkably we were able to add three life birds. A return trip is indeed in order, to explore more of Texas.
These past thirteen months we have been in the valley. During these months my personal faith has grown deeper. The bitter anger that I carried for too many years, has been replaced with peace. That journey to find that peace, has been a long trek. I came to know the Lord, in the early 80's, the date escape me. I thought that once you believed something magical would happen. That your struggles in life would end. That never took place, I lacked the understanding of why it was not not possible. Those early years the struggles were there. The one thing I never did was to get out of the way, let God handle it. I always wanted to be in control, that my way was always best.
When things became the bleakest I blamed God, for it all. I turned my anger against God. My distance between God and myself became greater. I thought it was the Churches I was attending, we moved to different ones. Nothing became better. My anger, my resentment towards God, became so bitter. That I simply gave up on God, I let the enemy win. Without God in my life, my life spun out of control. Finally after being downsized out of of job of 25 years.
I threw in the towel, I claimed defeat. I left my marriage, my life of over 50 years to start over.
I put the Chicago skyline in my rear view mirror and headed south to the unknown.My destination was Fort Smith Arkansas. Not knowing what lay ed ahead. With no job prospects. I was bitter, I was angry. I found a job, five years later I realized that was mistake. In "05" a very special woman came into my life. As our relationship began to blossom, love unfolded. We began discussing our future together. Her faith was so very deep, her relationship with God, was so deep also. She told me that a man in her life would put God, first in his life. As she gave me her testimony about God, had worked in her life. I felt something in my heart, God was searching for me. On a rainy night
in April, I gave my life back to God. As we both cried so very hard, a peace came over in a way I never felt. As our relationship grew, our love grew deeper. We both had God in our lives. The journey was just beginning. We married in January "06"
Through her example, of how God, worked in her life. I began to understand what a joy it was to have God, in your life. I never once thought I could be forgiven by God. After the Devil, deserted left me all alone and stripped. The moment I asked God, back into my life. He came and seek ed me out, He, returned me to the flock. I was a lost lamb, a sinner, God, showed his love and mercy. As we settled in our new life together, we found a church. My faith and love for God, was growing. The church was like family from the first moment. It was unlike any church I had ever been in. I felt the spirit of God, move in me so powerfully. We became involved in the Community Rescue ministry, feeding the homeless each month.
September "09" I was fired from the worse job I had ever had. That summer I worked to the point of psychical exhaustion, mental exhaustion. The firing was personal. As I sat there listened to the lies, the false attempt to be friendly. My anger, temper were boiling. God, quelled the storm in me, whispering "You answer to a higher authority". I just sat there with peace.
The months that would unfold would be struggle. I was quickly denied unemployment. We had very little income coming in. God, was faithful to us and provided for us. There were no job interviews, from all the job applications. I had also applied for SS disability during this time. For the first time in my life I gave the control to God. I asked God for his help, I got out of his way to do his will. Yes, the months grew scarier with no job prospects. Little did we know that God was working on a solution. In January of this year we heard about my SS Disability, it had been approved. My first check arrived in April. My career was over the years of hard work were done. Our struggles were far from over.
We sold the newer car because we could not afford to repair it. We relyed on an older car for transportion. During these struggles and trials, my faith never wavered. My trust in God, only deepen, my understanding of God's love in my life grew. I began to seek and to learn more about God, His word. The older car decided to retire. We were faced with no vehicle or the the fiances to purchase one. We prayered to God, we believed that God, had the answer.
Friends loaned us a vehicle. We went to Texas, temporially put our problems on hold. Little did we know that our friends working on getting us a car.
We arrived back in Fort Smith, it was late, pouring rain. We got off the bus were greeted by our friends. They exclaimed we have a surpise for you both.
As they pointed to a green car. Our first words were when does it have to be returned. They said never it yours. Our little green car is the car God gave us.
God, is awesome.
In this past year I have experienced a faith that I never knew possible. I have thrist to learn about God. I am at peace with myself. Bitterness has been erased. I have slowly emerged from my shell. I know that when my back is to the wall, God will tear that wall done find a new direction.
We are finally getting caught up from our week in Texas. Our trip was great, our visit with family was wonderful. We did it the old fashion way. We took the bus. Amazing how people are still using the bus for travel. I remember riding the bus in 70's, how it stopped in each rural town in Wisconsin. Probable cost efficient to stop that often, travelers are fewer.
Texas, landscape is punctuated with oil wells. Pumping liquid gold, to feed our thirst for oil. There were in the parks, in backyards etc. Eastern Texas, the pines reached skyward, their needles littering the sandy soil beneath. Texas, is the holy grail for birding. Our exploring for birds was limited to their patio, city parks. Remarkably we were able to add three life birds. A return trip is indeed in order, to explore more of Texas.
These past thirteen months we have been in the valley. During these months my personal faith has grown deeper. The bitter anger that I carried for too many years, has been replaced with peace. That journey to find that peace, has been a long trek. I came to know the Lord, in the early 80's, the date escape me. I thought that once you believed something magical would happen. That your struggles in life would end. That never took place, I lacked the understanding of why it was not not possible. Those early years the struggles were there. The one thing I never did was to get out of the way, let God handle it. I always wanted to be in control, that my way was always best.
When things became the bleakest I blamed God, for it all. I turned my anger against God. My distance between God and myself became greater. I thought it was the Churches I was attending, we moved to different ones. Nothing became better. My anger, my resentment towards God, became so bitter. That I simply gave up on God, I let the enemy win. Without God in my life, my life spun out of control. Finally after being downsized out of of job of 25 years.
I threw in the towel, I claimed defeat. I left my marriage, my life of over 50 years to start over.
I put the Chicago skyline in my rear view mirror and headed south to the unknown.My destination was Fort Smith Arkansas. Not knowing what lay ed ahead. With no job prospects. I was bitter, I was angry. I found a job, five years later I realized that was mistake. In "05" a very special woman came into my life. As our relationship began to blossom, love unfolded. We began discussing our future together. Her faith was so very deep, her relationship with God, was so deep also. She told me that a man in her life would put God, first in his life. As she gave me her testimony about God, had worked in her life. I felt something in my heart, God was searching for me. On a rainy night
in April, I gave my life back to God. As we both cried so very hard, a peace came over in a way I never felt. As our relationship grew, our love grew deeper. We both had God in our lives. The journey was just beginning. We married in January "06"
Through her example, of how God, worked in her life. I began to understand what a joy it was to have God, in your life. I never once thought I could be forgiven by God. After the Devil, deserted left me all alone and stripped. The moment I asked God, back into my life. He came and seek ed me out, He, returned me to the flock. I was a lost lamb, a sinner, God, showed his love and mercy. As we settled in our new life together, we found a church. My faith and love for God, was growing. The church was like family from the first moment. It was unlike any church I had ever been in. I felt the spirit of God, move in me so powerfully. We became involved in the Community Rescue ministry, feeding the homeless each month.
September "09" I was fired from the worse job I had ever had. That summer I worked to the point of psychical exhaustion, mental exhaustion. The firing was personal. As I sat there listened to the lies, the false attempt to be friendly. My anger, temper were boiling. God, quelled the storm in me, whispering "You answer to a higher authority". I just sat there with peace.
The months that would unfold would be struggle. I was quickly denied unemployment. We had very little income coming in. God, was faithful to us and provided for us. There were no job interviews, from all the job applications. I had also applied for SS disability during this time. For the first time in my life I gave the control to God. I asked God for his help, I got out of his way to do his will. Yes, the months grew scarier with no job prospects. Little did we know that God was working on a solution. In January of this year we heard about my SS Disability, it had been approved. My first check arrived in April. My career was over the years of hard work were done. Our struggles were far from over.
We sold the newer car because we could not afford to repair it. We relyed on an older car for transportion. During these struggles and trials, my faith never wavered. My trust in God, only deepen, my understanding of God's love in my life grew. I began to seek and to learn more about God, His word. The older car decided to retire. We were faced with no vehicle or the the fiances to purchase one. We prayered to God, we believed that God, had the answer.
Friends loaned us a vehicle. We went to Texas, temporially put our problems on hold. Little did we know that our friends working on getting us a car.
We arrived back in Fort Smith, it was late, pouring rain. We got off the bus were greeted by our friends. They exclaimed we have a surpise for you both.
As they pointed to a green car. Our first words were when does it have to be returned. They said never it yours. Our little green car is the car God gave us.
God, is awesome.
In this past year I have experienced a faith that I never knew possible. I have thrist to learn about God. I am at peace with myself. Bitterness has been erased. I have slowly emerged from my shell. I know that when my back is to the wall, God will tear that wall done find a new direction.
Monday, October 25, 2010
October
October, a month of change. Summer finally yields to fall. The leaves begin to change their drab colors of green, to vibrant red, yellows, copper. Birds are on the move as they seek warmer climates. Fort Smith seems to be the vacation destination for Starlings. For the most part Starlings are classified as a nuisance. It is interesting to watch them as a flock form a ball. In that ball they dance is perfect sync, from tree to tree. I will never tire watching even the most commonest birds.
A long overdue to trip to visit Betty's son and family in Texas. We did it the old fashion way, via bus. It is hard to imagine that at time many Americans traveled from town to town on the bus. I remember my bus trip on the back roads of Wisconsin in the 70's.The trip was good. The week was very relaxing. We were able to put on hold our struggles for a week. It also put our struggles into perspective. As I observed my adopted grandson deal with life everyday. He never lets his disability affect his upbeat mood. The love that his parents and sister give him was awesome to observe. Each day his day is a challegne, he meets that above and beyond. His parents show such devotion to this little man. Caretakers that are part of his daily life show such compassion.
Texas, is dotted with oil pumps pumping the lifeline of this nation. They are present in their parks, in yards. You witness how oil has made a community rich. Pines reach into the sky like gaints. The soil a sandy mix of sand and red clay. While this was my first offical visit to Texas, the holy grail of birding. I was able to add three birds to my life lists from mainly in their backyard. A defnite return is needed to explore deeper.
A long overdue to trip to visit Betty's son and family in Texas. We did it the old fashion way, via bus. It is hard to imagine that at time many Americans traveled from town to town on the bus. I remember my bus trip on the back roads of Wisconsin in the 70's.The trip was good. The week was very relaxing. We were able to put on hold our struggles for a week. It also put our struggles into perspective. As I observed my adopted grandson deal with life everyday. He never lets his disability affect his upbeat mood. The love that his parents and sister give him was awesome to observe. Each day his day is a challegne, he meets that above and beyond. His parents show such devotion to this little man. Caretakers that are part of his daily life show such compassion.
Texas, is dotted with oil pumps pumping the lifeline of this nation. They are present in their parks, in yards. You witness how oil has made a community rich. Pines reach into the sky like gaints. The soil a sandy mix of sand and red clay. While this was my first offical visit to Texas, the holy grail of birding. I was able to add three birds to my life lists from mainly in their backyard. A defnite return is needed to explore deeper.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Today
Today was beautiful, endless blue sky dotted with puffs of white clouds. The temperature has broken from the blistering heat of this past summer. It is good to have the windows open, to remove the stale air.
Last night as I laid in bed, I listened to the toads sing their nightly chorus. I was thinking how it seems as thought there less crickets this summer. I still have yet to see a firefly here. Remembering capturing fireflies on warm summer nights as a child. Those days seem far off into the past. This summer has been a summer to adjust to life with out a job. I reflect back on last summer's torture at the job. A job that robbed, stole physical, mental, emotional health. God, works in mysterious ways that go beyond a human understanding.
God, show the pain and took action. Remember sitting there listening to lies, the temper rising as it has known to do. The moment before it erupted God muted, whispered that I answer to a higher authority.
In the year has followed God has worked in my life in ways that I have never known to be possible. The first lesson was about control, my way of trying to fix it on my own. When I have been faced with problems I have always wanted my own control, my way to solve it. The end results have not always been good. In the past it has been a battle with God. This time it was not a battle, rather submission to let Him control the problem. While is still a struggle today, I have faith that God's glory will prevail. I stand in faith and wait upon God for his answer. This past year my faith and understanding of God's will, has become more clearer.
While the past is done, reflections, the lessons learned, linger. I thank God for his forgiveness for the multitude of sins and the people I have hurt. Such love, fogiveness from God for this wayward son, who has in past cursed God, ran from God. I have learned that one can not hide from God.
Last night as I laid in bed, I listened to the toads sing their nightly chorus. I was thinking how it seems as thought there less crickets this summer. I still have yet to see a firefly here. Remembering capturing fireflies on warm summer nights as a child. Those days seem far off into the past. This summer has been a summer to adjust to life with out a job. I reflect back on last summer's torture at the job. A job that robbed, stole physical, mental, emotional health. God, works in mysterious ways that go beyond a human understanding.
God, show the pain and took action. Remember sitting there listening to lies, the temper rising as it has known to do. The moment before it erupted God muted, whispered that I answer to a higher authority.
In the year has followed God has worked in my life in ways that I have never known to be possible. The first lesson was about control, my way of trying to fix it on my own. When I have been faced with problems I have always wanted my own control, my way to solve it. The end results have not always been good. In the past it has been a battle with God. This time it was not a battle, rather submission to let Him control the problem. While is still a struggle today, I have faith that God's glory will prevail. I stand in faith and wait upon God for his answer. This past year my faith and understanding of God's will, has become more clearer.
While the past is done, reflections, the lessons learned, linger. I thank God for his forgiveness for the multitude of sins and the people I have hurt. Such love, fogiveness from God for this wayward son, who has in past cursed God, ran from God. I have learned that one can not hide from God.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A Month coming to a Close
September, is about to close, summer fades with it. The blistering heat of this past summer is succumbing to the cool of fall. Today we will won't climb out of the sixties, just to think last Friday is was in the 90's. September is also the anniversary of the last time I worked. In this past year I have had to adjust not working.
There are moments when I miss work, not the pain that went with it. After 35+years of standing on cement floors, the knees have worn out. I gave a lifetime to an industry that destroys the body. While there sweet memories over the last 35 years, the last five are not going to remembered as sweet. I do not think I have ever worked as hard for so little as I have for the last five years. Then to be fired for basically for personal reasons, that to be denied unemployment benefits. The wound is slowly closing and the harsh memories will fade with it. I would have liked to close on a high note and not a low note. God, took me out because I won't recognize the physical toil it was taking. When it was over I was both a physical and emotional wrecked.
The emotional wounds have all healed, the physical deterioration continues as my arthritis riddles my body. Some days the pain is bearable other days it can be unbearable. The first hour after waking is the worse, as the night stiffness leaves the body.
During this time that my faith, walk with God has become deeper. For the first time in my life I gave God the controls to my life. I did not run from God, I have learned that you can not out run or hide from God. God, has been working in my life this past year in a way that I have never known or felt. While this year has been a struggle, the struggle goes on. We are now faced with no running car or the means to replace it. Somehow God has the answer, I lean in faith on that promise.
Next month we will be taking a trip to Tyler Texas. To visit Betty's son and his family for a week.
It will be good for Betty to see her grand babies, great to put behind the struggle temporarily.
It will be an epic journey on a bus, I have not rode a bus since the early 70's. I am so sure of sitting for that long. Hopefully we be able to bird in the Holy Grail of birding some.
Most days I am kept busy with projects. One my projects will unfold here in this blog. I have become interested in the history of Fort Smith. I am going to begin to chronicle this city's buildings and homes through photographs. I will also chronicle some areas where buildings were and what has replaced them. This city has a rich history, was critical link to travels west, has had several natural disasters, fires. The photos that I will I present will mostly done in sepia to give it a more original feel. Some homes has been preserved, others have been left in ruins, still others have been ravaged by fire. The first home in my chronicle is a home that was destroyed by fire during restoration. The home is at the end of 13th Street, while I am still researching the history. The photos here of the fire ravaged home shows that one time it was a grand home.
This home is a fine example of a restored home.
Fire ravaged home 13th Street
additional photos
additional photos
additional photos
Even the Lion could not ward off the fire.
a marker in downtown.As this unfolds we will travel back to understand the history, its role.
We are in valley and God knows the way out. We trust in Him to lead us out. I am weary of the constant struggle. God, never promised a life without struggle or avenues paved with gold while earth. There is a purpose anf his will be done.
There are moments when I miss work, not the pain that went with it. After 35+years of standing on cement floors, the knees have worn out. I gave a lifetime to an industry that destroys the body. While there sweet memories over the last 35 years, the last five are not going to remembered as sweet. I do not think I have ever worked as hard for so little as I have for the last five years. Then to be fired for basically for personal reasons, that to be denied unemployment benefits. The wound is slowly closing and the harsh memories will fade with it. I would have liked to close on a high note and not a low note. God, took me out because I won't recognize the physical toil it was taking. When it was over I was both a physical and emotional wrecked.
The emotional wounds have all healed, the physical deterioration continues as my arthritis riddles my body. Some days the pain is bearable other days it can be unbearable. The first hour after waking is the worse, as the night stiffness leaves the body.
During this time that my faith, walk with God has become deeper. For the first time in my life I gave God the controls to my life. I did not run from God, I have learned that you can not out run or hide from God. God, has been working in my life this past year in a way that I have never known or felt. While this year has been a struggle, the struggle goes on. We are now faced with no running car or the means to replace it. Somehow God has the answer, I lean in faith on that promise.
Next month we will be taking a trip to Tyler Texas. To visit Betty's son and his family for a week.
It will be good for Betty to see her grand babies, great to put behind the struggle temporarily.
It will be an epic journey on a bus, I have not rode a bus since the early 70's. I am so sure of sitting for that long. Hopefully we be able to bird in the Holy Grail of birding some.
Most days I am kept busy with projects. One my projects will unfold here in this blog. I have become interested in the history of Fort Smith. I am going to begin to chronicle this city's buildings and homes through photographs. I will also chronicle some areas where buildings were and what has replaced them. This city has a rich history, was critical link to travels west, has had several natural disasters, fires. The photos that I will I present will mostly done in sepia to give it a more original feel. Some homes has been preserved, others have been left in ruins, still others have been ravaged by fire. The first home in my chronicle is a home that was destroyed by fire during restoration. The home is at the end of 13th Street, while I am still researching the history. The photos here of the fire ravaged home shows that one time it was a grand home.
This home is a fine example of a restored home.
Fire ravaged home 13th Street
additional photos
additional photos
additional photos
Even the Lion could not ward off the fire.
a marker in downtown.We are in valley and God knows the way out. We trust in Him to lead us out. I am weary of the constant struggle. God, never promised a life without struggle or avenues paved with gold while earth. There is a purpose anf his will be done.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
First of September
September has arrived, summer blazes on. There was a brief amount of rain, it brought the temps down to the low 80's. It added a dense humidity to the air. Soon fall will win over the summer heat.
Throughout our nation's history we have excellent, good, mediocre, and horrible presidents. Some have been strong leaders in time of crisis, others have been weak, still others had been very pathetic
We have only one President that has total disdain for this nation. His lack of leadership skills have shown how weak he is.
The latest outrage that he has committed against this nation. Can only be explained that he has a desire to be elevated to the world leadership stage. His State Department, submitted to the U.N. High commission for Human Rights. For supposed violations of human rights here in this great nation. How can a American President expose this nation to the world in this way. He puts this nation in the bin of evil nations such as Sudan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea etc. He shames Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona for her actions to do what this country won't do.
Why does President Obama have such disdain for this country? What was his desire to be President of a nation that he has such disdain for? Those answers will probably will never be answered. We can look into his childhood for possible answers. His educational background, those that have shaped his philosophy.
There is historical evidence that this nation was founded on Christian principles. Documents confirm our commitment to God and his laws. Patrick Henry stated "It can not be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the gospel of Jesus Christ" Is God using President Obama to bring us to our knees to repent? To bring this nation back to its original Christian principles? God throughout this nation's history has discipline this nation when it strays too far from those principles. President has abandoned those Christian principles that found this nation. God dealt with Kings that have not adhered to His Godly principles.
The rain was welcomed this afternoon. Rain cleanse the air and leaves a sweet smell afterwards. I do not think even a deluge could was away the stink in Washington DC. For two years now the garbage has been piling up and its stench. Has President Obama finally gone too far. He is finally exposing his true agenda to the world. The hand God will be upon him.
Till tommorrow we will see where the journey and the odd turns take us. I want to thank Carol A Tabar for her excellent article on American Thinker. Thanks to the late great Paatrick Henry for is insightful prespective.
Throughout our nation's history we have excellent, good, mediocre, and horrible presidents. Some have been strong leaders in time of crisis, others have been weak, still others had been very pathetic
We have only one President that has total disdain for this nation. His lack of leadership skills have shown how weak he is.
The latest outrage that he has committed against this nation. Can only be explained that he has a desire to be elevated to the world leadership stage. His State Department, submitted to the U.N. High commission for Human Rights. For supposed violations of human rights here in this great nation. How can a American President expose this nation to the world in this way. He puts this nation in the bin of evil nations such as Sudan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea etc. He shames Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona for her actions to do what this country won't do.
Why does President Obama have such disdain for this country? What was his desire to be President of a nation that he has such disdain for? Those answers will probably will never be answered. We can look into his childhood for possible answers. His educational background, those that have shaped his philosophy.
There is historical evidence that this nation was founded on Christian principles. Documents confirm our commitment to God and his laws. Patrick Henry stated "It can not be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the gospel of Jesus Christ" Is God using President Obama to bring us to our knees to repent? To bring this nation back to its original Christian principles? God throughout this nation's history has discipline this nation when it strays too far from those principles. President has abandoned those Christian principles that found this nation. God dealt with Kings that have not adhered to His Godly principles.
The rain was welcomed this afternoon. Rain cleanse the air and leaves a sweet smell afterwards. I do not think even a deluge could was away the stink in Washington DC. For two years now the garbage has been piling up and its stench. Has President Obama finally gone too far. He is finally exposing his true agenda to the world. The hand God will be upon him.
Till tommorrow we will see where the journey and the odd turns take us. I want to thank Carol A Tabar for her excellent article on American Thinker. Thanks to the late great Paatrick Henry for is insightful prespective.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Today
Fall is trying to push the summer heat out, the summer is not budging. Another hot muggy day here in the river valley of Arkansas. This summer has very warm at times very humid.
I took my wife to the doctors toady, to have your bandage changed from her surgery. On the way out there was an elderly woman in a wheelchair. I stopped a moment and asked howshe was doing. I gently touched her hand, softly spoke " May God's blessing go with you" Her eyes had a twinkle in them. We are always in such a hurry. Sometimes we should stop and say hello to a stranger, encourage them with a positive word.
I am a retro male, I like using items from a bygone era. I shave the old fashion way. With a brush, soap and a safety razor. I write using a fountain pen, with colored ink. Now that I am out to pasture I won't use black ink. My interest in fountain pens began when a sales clerk tried to dissuade me form buying a fountain pen.
The clerk informed me that a left handed person, would have difficulty using a fountain pen. That a roller-ball would be more suitable. It was from that statement that started me to use a fountain pen. From there I began to collect vintage fountain pens. When pick up a vintage pen, begin to write it is like magic. I collect vintage postcards. I enjoy writing to my pen pals, postcard exchanges. I make my own postcards from my own photos.
In my first year of college, I began to develop my political opinions. My opinions would lean to to the left and support for the Democrat party. As I matured my opinions matured they moved more to the center than to progressive. Recent events that occurred in this country has a radical shift in my opinion. I have left my progressive options along the wayside, adopted a conservative opinion. I have become disillusioned of our political process. How this nation is quickly shifting towards a socialist, big government does not work.
The moral cowardice of this nation has become repulsive. We take a man's infidelity to his wife, sensationalize, talk about his numerous trysts, making the women into instant celebrity. Than the it is news for months. Do not we have issues that are far greater then a sports celebrity extramarital affairs.
Our very own State Department foots the bill of Rauf and his wife for a Muslim good will tour. Why?
Our very own president bows, boldly proclaims that we are not a Christian nation but a secular one, then he endorses the building of the Mosque at ground zero. The background mysteriously changes from the American Flag to mid eastern decor. Is there any doubt that he is not Muslim?
The Ground Zero Mosque is a victory flag, on the site of their victorious battle when they crash into the twin towers. I personally oppose the Mosque being built. It is not about freedom of religion, it is about the what this Islamic center will represent. It represent hatred for America, Christians, Jews. We are infidels standing in the way of Islam being a world religious. Propaganda is heard daily throughout the Muslim world, kill the infidels. Is there any doubt that they are the enemy.
In closing we must think hard about the road of ruin we are on. That are only saving grace is that we repent as a nation and bring God back into this nation.
I took my wife to the doctors toady, to have your bandage changed from her surgery. On the way out there was an elderly woman in a wheelchair. I stopped a moment and asked howshe was doing. I gently touched her hand, softly spoke " May God's blessing go with you" Her eyes had a twinkle in them. We are always in such a hurry. Sometimes we should stop and say hello to a stranger, encourage them with a positive word.
I am a retro male, I like using items from a bygone era. I shave the old fashion way. With a brush, soap and a safety razor. I write using a fountain pen, with colored ink. Now that I am out to pasture I won't use black ink. My interest in fountain pens began when a sales clerk tried to dissuade me form buying a fountain pen.
The clerk informed me that a left handed person, would have difficulty using a fountain pen. That a roller-ball would be more suitable. It was from that statement that started me to use a fountain pen. From there I began to collect vintage fountain pens. When pick up a vintage pen, begin to write it is like magic. I collect vintage postcards. I enjoy writing to my pen pals, postcard exchanges. I make my own postcards from my own photos.
In my first year of college, I began to develop my political opinions. My opinions would lean to to the left and support for the Democrat party. As I matured my opinions matured they moved more to the center than to progressive. Recent events that occurred in this country has a radical shift in my opinion. I have left my progressive options along the wayside, adopted a conservative opinion. I have become disillusioned of our political process. How this nation is quickly shifting towards a socialist, big government does not work.
The moral cowardice of this nation has become repulsive. We take a man's infidelity to his wife, sensationalize, talk about his numerous trysts, making the women into instant celebrity. Than the it is news for months. Do not we have issues that are far greater then a sports celebrity extramarital affairs.
Our very own State Department foots the bill of Rauf and his wife for a Muslim good will tour. Why?
Our very own president bows, boldly proclaims that we are not a Christian nation but a secular one, then he endorses the building of the Mosque at ground zero. The background mysteriously changes from the American Flag to mid eastern decor. Is there any doubt that he is not Muslim?
The Ground Zero Mosque is a victory flag, on the site of their victorious battle when they crash into the twin towers. I personally oppose the Mosque being built. It is not about freedom of religion, it is about the what this Islamic center will represent. It represent hatred for America, Christians, Jews. We are infidels standing in the way of Islam being a world religious. Propaganda is heard daily throughout the Muslim world, kill the infidels. Is there any doubt that they are the enemy.
In closing we must think hard about the road of ruin we are on. That are only saving grace is that we repent as a nation and bring God back into this nation.
Monday, August 30, 2010
As August comes to a close.
As August comes to a close, one reflects back this summer. This has been my first summer since I was 12, that I was not working. After being wrongfully fired from my job last September. No employment was to be found. I started receiving my disability this past April. I have severe Arthritis in most of my joints.
This is my sixth summer in Arkansas, the heat this this summer has indeed been intense. I put the Chicago skyline in my rear view mirror six years ago. While the summer has been blistering hot, I will endure the summers here, to have mild winters. I have kept busy most days, that is my nature. I am not one to sit idly.
As summer comes to its last hurrah birds are ready themselves for their big flight south.
In the cool of the morning I like sitting on my balcony. I am entrained by the Hummingbirds that frequent our feeder. They play a game I call hummer tag. One Hummer goes to the feeder, than another comes and nips on him on the butt. Then chase each other through both sides of the balcony. Sometimes one will misjudge where the eve is, then you here thump. I think wow major headache coming. I marvel at Hummingbirds, there diminutive size and aggressive they play. I wonder how this bird that weighs less than a dime, flies across the Gulf to Costa Rica , non stop. God is their copilot.
I refuse to use the word retired. I prefer to use "out to pasture". It is the first time in a long time that I have slowed down. Last summer I pushed the envelope too far. As that summer ended I was both physically and mentally exhaust. That after giving so very much to a job, they showed their appreciate by firing me. As I at their listen to the lies my old self temper rose. God, muted me and silenced me. In the months that followed have been a struggle, very soul searching.
Jobs for a male over fifty are non-existent. I accepted that early on, I keep applying anyhow. For the first time in my life turned the control over to God. In the past I run from God, instead of running into his arms.
God, has been faithful to myself and wife through this time. During this time you begin to understand what a need is verus a want. That you life is not defined by a job or the amount in your bank account. It depends about how you are storing your ture riches with God. God, is the focus of my life, my journey and it's odd turns.
This is my sixth summer in Arkansas, the heat this this summer has indeed been intense. I put the Chicago skyline in my rear view mirror six years ago. While the summer has been blistering hot, I will endure the summers here, to have mild winters. I have kept busy most days, that is my nature. I am not one to sit idly.
As summer comes to its last hurrah birds are ready themselves for their big flight south.
In the cool of the morning I like sitting on my balcony. I am entrained by the Hummingbirds that frequent our feeder. They play a game I call hummer tag. One Hummer goes to the feeder, than another comes and nips on him on the butt. Then chase each other through both sides of the balcony. Sometimes one will misjudge where the eve is, then you here thump. I think wow major headache coming. I marvel at Hummingbirds, there diminutive size and aggressive they play. I wonder how this bird that weighs less than a dime, flies across the Gulf to Costa Rica , non stop. God is their copilot.
I refuse to use the word retired. I prefer to use "out to pasture". It is the first time in a long time that I have slowed down. Last summer I pushed the envelope too far. As that summer ended I was both physically and mentally exhaust. That after giving so very much to a job, they showed their appreciate by firing me. As I at their listen to the lies my old self temper rose. God, muted me and silenced me. In the months that followed have been a struggle, very soul searching.
Jobs for a male over fifty are non-existent. I accepted that early on, I keep applying anyhow. For the first time in my life turned the control over to God. In the past I run from God, instead of running into his arms.
God, has been faithful to myself and wife through this time. During this time you begin to understand what a need is verus a want. That you life is not defined by a job or the amount in your bank account. It depends about how you are storing your ture riches with God. God, is the focus of my life, my journey and it's odd turns.
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